I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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