4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
