She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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