The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
