I just made out with a guy for $7.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
