i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
