Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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