you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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