At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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