you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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