I showed him my bush... on skype.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
