Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
