ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
