Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
