I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
