he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
