Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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