I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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