Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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