I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
