guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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