I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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