I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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