I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
