Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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