I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
