i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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