I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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