I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just puked most of my soul out..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
