I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
