they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
