Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
