Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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