so that wasnt chicken after all
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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