Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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