This dress was meant to end up on your floor
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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