I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
