Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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