we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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