the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
