It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
