she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
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Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is Oprah even human
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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