The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
