i don't like sucking hair
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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