shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
