why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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