Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
