and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
