so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
