just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
