Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
