And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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