Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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