She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
