just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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