no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
