So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
