I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
