Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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