Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
