I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
