what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
