walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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