cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
