My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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