haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
