a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
