....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
